A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told The Whelk that a Facebook friends request from a man he used to associate with in his late teens and early twenties but who he always considered to be an utter twat has left him feeling cornered and conflicted.
Toby Dell, a meat porter from Berner Street, told us: “I got this friends request from the bloke last week and my heart sank, to be honest.
“The man was a real chump back then and I only knocked about with him because he had a few quid to buy drinks and I was banging his sister.
“I’m now living in fear that he’ll be coming on my statuses and showing me up like shit in front of my mates and family members.
“He’s already added my missus, but she’s told me to accept his request and then tweak my account so that he can’t see any of my posts.
“That sounds a bit too complicated so I’m going to send him a quick message on WhatsApp, telling him that I’m close to death and don’t want him to be upset when he learns on FB that I’ve fallen off the perch in a week or two”
Mr Dell’s story comes just two weeks after a man from neighbouring Poplar sent an irritating would-be Facebook friend a photoshopped image of himself hanging from a noose attached to a light fitting, accompanied by a message from his wife, informing the man that her husband had taken his own life due to being wanted by the police on several murder charges.
If you’ve been affected by any of the issues raised in this piece try telling the person concerned that you’re a massive Donald Trump fan. That usually gets rid of most people although not the complete, mentally sub-normal arseoles – Ed