The Casebook of Sherlock Homophobe: The Anti-Gay & Lesbian Victorian Detective


The scene is Homophobe’s study at 221B Hetero street in Whitechapel, East London. The great detective and insufferable bigot is breakfasting at a small table when his great friend and staunch assistant, Dr John Mincing, bursts into the room in a state of great excitement:

Mincing – I say Homophobe, a young woman has sent us a communication indicating that she is in great distress and in need of our help.

She lives with her overbearing employer in a large house in Surrey, where she is a virtual prisoner, allowed only to leave the house for a solitary bicycle ride each morning.

It is during these brief sojourns that she has observed a fellow cyclist, a man dressed in black who follows her at a distance and then disappears as she arrives back at her place of residence.

The poor creature is in great distress Homophobe. Let us therefore not tarry old friend for I fear great harm may befall her.

Let us make for St Pancras and the first train south without delay!

Homophobe – You unspeakable, depraved wretch, Mincing! Do you not think that I can’t see through your vile gossamer-thin scheme sirrah?

It is quite clear to me that you and this sexually insane female creature are involved in a lascivious plot to slake your foul homosexual and lesbian lusts by ravishing me relentlessly and without pity.

It is my surmise, that upon our arrival, you will render me unconscious wth a blow from a life-preserver.

Then, both you and this abomination of womanhood will fall upon my helpless body, invading my most secret places with both tumescent penis and strap-on appendage alike, leaving my most tender orifices awash with your foul jism and secretions.

Now get out before I call a Bow Street Runner and have you arrested and transported to The New World!

Mincing – ????????????

Mystery man in suit buys tin of mangos in syrup in Whitechapel


A tin of filthy foreign mangos pictured last night


The district of Whitechapel was in a state of shock last night after a man in a suit was spotted buying a tin of mangos in syrup in a convenience store in Commercial Road.

The man, who refused to speak to witnesses despite being challenged on a number of occasions, then disappeared into Whitechapel tube station where he was observed getting on a westbound District Line train heading for Victoria.

One witness to the incident was 32-year-old builder, Toby Dell, who told us: “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw this bloke in a suit buy those mangos.

“He seemed to treat the whole thing as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“He was probably foreign. A Polish gyppo or an illegal Somali benefits cheat I shouldn’t wonder”

Police have asked the public not to approach this man, as he may use the tin as a weapon, but to dial 999 immediately and then seek cover in a nearby shop or something along those lines.

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marilyn arse scuffing

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