Newly-inaugurated President of The United States, Joe Biden, is set to spend the first three days of his presidency poring over Facebook posts in a bid to learn how best to govern America, a White House insider told us last night.
The aide revealed: “Even though President Biden has held high office for forty years, including two terms as vice-president, he realises that he needs the wisdom and the considered views of people on Facebook to guide him through what will arguably be the most difficult, challenging, and arduous first term of any president in the history of our country.
“He is also hoping to check out a few dinner pics, along with some alarming images of people’s hideous-looking kids.”
His plans have received a mixed reaction so far, with one local man, Toby Dell, from Thrawl Street, telling us: “Personally, I think President Biden should rely on his huge experience in high office to plan the way forward, but I suppose if he wants to form his strategy based on the opinions of a bunch of industrial-strength arsehats with too much time on their hands on a social media platform that’s up to him.
“At the end of the day, he can’t make a worse job of it than the last mad cunt”
A White House spokesperson last night refused to comment when asked about rumours that Vice-President, Kamala Harris, had spent the night, scrolling down her Twitter feed, looking for advice on how best to deal with pressure from The Federal Reserve.
Editor’s Note: President Biden is a fine man and we are wholly convinced that he will do the best job possible in the face of pretty horrendous odds. The above piece is aimed at the social media idiots who seem to thing that the way forward is to start giving the guy tips before he’s had a chance to open a beer and stick his presidential trotters up on the Oval Office desk. The sun shone for the president yesterday and a bright new day has dawned in the Land Of The Free. Amen.