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Oprah Stands By “Troubled” Fergie Following Whitechapel Beheading Spree

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Fergie pictured tying the knot with a paedo during happier times

American chat show queen, Oprah Winfrey, last night vowed to stand by her friend, The Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson, after the troubled ex-royal was tasered and arrested in Whitechapel following a jihadi-inspired rampage, during which she beheaded seven people with a butchers knife in and around the street market in Whitechapel Road.

Oprah told The Whelk last night: “I’ve known for some time that Sarah had been radicalised and had embraced the twisted doctrine of Daesh, but I was hoping she’d get fed up with it and go back to writing books for kids about helicopters. 

“It came as quite a shock to learn she’d been on a murderous rampage in Whitechapel, but I don’t think this is the time for recriminations. 

“I think the cops should just give her a stern telling-off, after which she could go into a special home for a few weeks; like the one she was sent to when she was on the sauce”

This latest incident involving a minor royal mirrors the 2011 incident when Prince Edward’s ex-wife, Sophie, Countess of Wessex, opened fire on Muslim shoppers with an AK47 in the Shoreditch branch of Boots in a protest at the extradition to The Hague of Serbian warlord Ratko Mladic.

Yasser Arafat rubbed salt into my flanks and then made me feel like a woman says Oprah Winfrey

 

Oprah-Winfrey
It was all go with the PLO. Oprah pictured in ebullient mood last night

 

Award-winning actress and TV personality, Oprah Winfrey, has told a Whelk reporter that she enjoyed a saucy romp with the Palestinian leader, Yasser Arafat, in a bed and breakfast hotel in Limehouse, East London in 1985.

The 97-year-old chat show queen revealed that she met Arafat when she was holidaying in London after filming, The Colour Purple and he was taking a break from top-level summit talks with the Egyptians.

She went on to reveal, that prior to their lovemaking, the 85-year-old PLO leader rubbed rock salt into her flanks, telling her that it would make her “go like the absolute clappers”

“He was very insistent about the salt thing and I wasn’t going to argue. After all, the PLO was considered a terrorist organisation back then and I was scared that he might shoot me or bomb my car if I refused.

“In any case, Yasser was a very attractive man and I wanted to make him mine if I could. To be honest, I couldn’t wait for the off.

“After rubbing in the salt, he laid back naked and told me to “hop on board”

“Then, he just lay there motionless for well over an hour while I pleasured myself. His staying power was sensational.

“Finally, and completely out of the blue, his body tensed up and he began shouting, “salty, salty” over and over before pushing me off onto the floor.

“It was a magical night and one I shall never forget. It even changed my political stance and I found myself having a real down on the Israelis after that”

Ms Winfrey then grew tearful and ended the interview after revealing that Arafat had helped dry the dishes later that evening using his chequered scarf, or ‘shemagh’ for the purpose.

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