A 35-year-old man from Whitechapel last night claimed to have experienced a brief moment of vague interest during a heart to heart talk with his girlfriend, who wished to discuss where their relationship was going.
Toby Dell, a motor vehicle technician from Berner Street revealed:
“It was last Saturday night and I was looking forward to Match Of The Day when my girlfriend, suddenly and without warning, began to discuss our relationship and her hopes and fears for our future together.
“Naturally, I zoned out immediately and started wondering about the number of cans of beer I had left in the fridge. I even got up and checked at one point to set my mind at rest.
“However, as soon as I sat back down she began talking about how our relationship had developed over the last year and how she hoped we could move up to a new level if we really committed to each other and learned to concentrate on the important things.
“It was when she began to reminisce about how we’d first met that I suddenly felt a fleeting moment of interest.
“I began to vaguely recall how I’d dumped my previous girlfriend to take up with her, and started to wonder if I still had those pics of my ex in her underwear on my phone.
“I had a quick check to make sure and fortunately, they were still there. I sighed with relief and began to mentally go over the day’s football results as my girlfriend moved on to how she sometimes felt taken for granted and unimportant.
“Luckily, she had just started to talk about her best friend’s wonderful relationship, and how she and her fiance were planning a June wedding, when the match started and I was able to send her out to get me another beer while I put the headphones on to listen to the commentary in peace”
This latest revelation comes just two weeks after a man from Sheffield claimed to have expressed a half-hearted opinion on interior decor when his girlfriend told him she was thinking of painting the downstairs toilet.