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The Whitechapel Whelk

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sausage party

Local man tasered following Sausage Party jibe at cop

sausage party 2

A 30-year-old Whitechapel man was recovering in hospital last night following an incident in which a police officer deployed his taser after the man had taunted him over the popular animated movie, Sausage Party

Toby Dell, from Vallance Road, allegedly jeered at the officer who was on duty near Aldgate East station, taunting him that he was going home to watch Sausage Party while the officer would have to remain on patrol.

A bystander told a Whelk reporter: “I heard a heated exchange between this man and a police officer

“The man was yelling that he was going to watch Sausage Party and that the officer wasn’t.

“He was right in this cop’s face, so when the officer drew his taser and zapped him, I wasn’t surprised and even gave him a thumbs-up while this idiot was twitching on the deck.

A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said last night: “In the current emergency we urge members of the public to act with common sense and respect, particularly where Sausage Party is concerned.

“If you are going to watch it at some point, please close your doors and windows so that others won’t realise that you’re enjoying the sausage-based antics in the finest motion picture ever made while they may not be able to do so”

In other related news, the actors playing the main sausage and the hot dog bun are going to visit the Royal London Hospital later today where they will meet with frontline NHS staff to offer support and good wishes.

Local man tasered following Sausage Party jibe at cop

sausage-party-2016-09

A 30-year-old Whitechapel man was recovering in hospital last night following an incident in which a police officer deployed his taser after the man had taunted him over the popular animated movie, Sausage Party

Toby Dell, from Vallance Road, allegedly shouted to the officer who was on duty near Aldgate East station, that he was going home to watch Sausage Party while the officer would have to remain on patrol.

A bystander told a Whelk reporter: “I heard a heated exchange between this man and a police officer

“The man was yelling that he was going to watch Sausage Party and that the officer wasn’t.

“He was right in this cop’s face, so when he drew his taser and shot him, I wasn’t surprised and even gave him a thumbs-up while this idiot was twitching on the deck”.

A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said last night: “In the current emergency we urge members of the public to act with common sense and respect, particularly where Sausage Party is concerned.

“If you are going to watch it at some point, please close your doors and windows so that others won’t realise that you’re enjoying the sausage based antics in the finest motion picture ever made”

In other related news, the actors playing the main sausage and the hot dog bun are going to visit the Royal London Hospital later today where they will meet with frontline staff to offer support and good wishes.

SPOTLIGHT ON CORONA: SAUSAGE PARTY. IS IT THE KEY TO ENDING PANDEMIC?

sausage-party-2016-09

A gathering number of health experts and academics now believe that only by watching the movie, Sausage Party, can mankind be delivered from a global disaster and a possible Armageddon scenario.

Dr Tobias Dell, the head of a team of scientists exploring possible cures and infection prevention avenues, said last night: “Me and the other scientists watched Sausage Party last night and, so far, none of us have developed corona. 

In fact, we had a really good jolly up on the strength of it.

“We genuinely believe that we’re on to something and so should you.”

The World Health Organisation appeared to back up the claim last night. 

In a short press release, WHO said: “Dr Dell’s observations have been noted and explored in-depth and we have found that only a very small proportion of those infected had ever seen Sausage Party.

“We are now in touch with governments worldwide who have agreed to screen Sausage Party at 19.00 GMT on Monday 22nd of March so that everyone can get the immunity that is so desperately needed right now.

“Only President Trump expressed an objection, on the grounds that he likes to watch re-runs of Tom and Jerry at that hour, but he has agreed to comply if immediately after, we screen the one where a blacksmith’s anvil falls on Tom’s head and makes a big bump come up.”

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