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SPORTS NEWS: Mick Jagger makes a 147 break every time he plays snooker reveals bandmate

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No 19th nervous breakdown for Mick as he celebrates another maximum at The Lucania snooker hall in Shoreditch

Rolling Stones legend, Mick Jagger, makes a maximum break of 147 points every time he plays a frame of snooker according to fellow band member, Ronnie Wood.

Ronnie, 109, himself a keen snooker buff, told newsmen: “Mick’s ability at the table is unreal.

“I’ve played him hundreds of times and he’s never failed to make a 147.

“He even made a 154 once when I played a foul stroke on the break-off and left Mick a free ball.

“I’ve often asked him why he doesn’t turn pro, but he shrugs it off and says he can’t be arsed with all the touring round the world that’s part and parcel of a successful player’s life these days.

“Apparently, he’s been knocking in the maximum breaks from the age of 8 when his dad used to take him down The Temperance Billiard Hall in Southwark and would use him to make a few quid in bets”

Woods’ revelation comes just two weeks after it was revealed that soul legend, Stevie Wonder, achieves a 9-dart finish every time he has a game of 501 down at his local in Detroit.

Dear Whitechapel Whelk

jo whelk meme

Dear Whitechapel Whelk

What a con these so-called police dogs are. After drinking heavily in a West Ham pub the other day, I approached one outside the nearby football ground and asked for the time. However, instead of receiving the helpful response I’d expected, it bit me on the leg. As if this wasn’t bad enough, its handler then beat me about the head and body with a baton, rendering me unconscious. Where’s the fairness in that then?

Toby Pudenda

Bromley By Bow

East London

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Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I’ve just discovered that by filling my mouth with a number of magnets and then dipping my chin into a bowl of iron filings I can achieve that rugged, designer stubble look as sported by George Michael and other  fiercely heterosexual celebrities.

Brendan Sandra

Whitechapel-On-Sea

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Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I’ve managed to save a small fortune on expensive foreign holidays scuba diving in the Caribbean by simply filling my bath with warm water, throwing in a few colourful plastic fish and then diving in and clamping my mouth over the plug hole before breathing through the overflow pipe.

The Right Reverend Teddy Ashtray
Arsebishop Of Camdenbury
Camdenbury

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Dear Whitechapel Whelk

I was watching the snooker last night when the commentator announced “Ronnie O Sullivan’s looks like he’s going to clear the table”

How refreshing that in this world of overpaid sporting prima donnas at least one of them has the common decency to help his mum.

Frank Vulva
Whitechapel
Africa

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