The Whitechapel Whelk

Ripping News and Cutting Satire Since 1888


social media

We won’t rest until we have wiped self-harmers from the face of the planet say Instagram

See the source image

In a groundbreaking move, social media giants, Instagram, have vowed to put an end to the criticism they have received in recent months for allowing the publication of graphic images of young people self-harming, by culling children and young adults found to be indulging in this behaviour.

Head of Instagram, Adam Mosseri, told newsmen: “We’ve been inundated with complaints about images of self-harm being freely available on our platform and have decided to put a stop to the constant criticism by killing any young person who tries to upload images of this nature.

“I think this move will prove very popular with our shareholders, and at the end of the day, that’s all that matters”

Instagram’s initiative comes just 6 months after, sister company, Facebook, sent out death squads to eliminate youngsters who were routinely posting pictures of their dinners or cute pets.

It’s a pretty grim piece of satire this, folks. A bit like the world really.

Love, peace, and mental tranquillity to all…except Donald Trump, he can go rot in The Hades Hilton. – Ed

Social Media Update


Wuff oo babes! ((((((HUGZZZZZZ)))))) – Ed

Non-sexting shocker: Local teen’s bungled suicide following fully-clothed Snapchat shame.


Shameful: A teenaged girl completely failing to show her privates pictured earlier.


WARNING: This piece contains graphic descriptions of warm, winter clothing and earmuffs.

A 17-year-old girl from Whitechapel was recovering in hospital last night after she tried to take her own life following a public humiliation by her ex-boyfriend who posted a picture of her fully-clothed on the Snapchat social media site in a revenge move following a lover’s tiff.

The girl’s identity is being kept secret but a close female friend said last night.

“She was devastated when the pic went public and it’s hardly surprising. It’s every teen girl’s nightmare to be confronted with online pictures of yourself fully-clothed like that.

“I just can’t imagine what it must be like to be visible to all and sundry without your tits and growler on display. No wonder she tried to do away with herself.

“The amount of ridicule she’s going to be subjected to when she goes back to college doesn’t bear thinking about.”

The young man who shared the picture has asked not to be named but he told us last night: “I feel pretty ashamed now to be honest with you. We’d had a bit of a bust-up and she’d ended it. I was so angry I scarcely realised what I was doing.

“I found an old picture of her I took last winter when she was wearing a long coat, scarf and a woollen hat and just posted it out of spite. If I’d realised she was going to try to kill herself I probably wouldn’t have done it.”

The boy then told us how he was going to try to ‘make it right’ by posting a selfie picture she had sent him a few weeks ago, showing her without a stitch on, bending over the ironing board with her legs apart.

from our warm muff correspondent, Danny Soz

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