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The Whitechapel Whelk

Ripping the piss since 1888

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Trump

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In other related news: President Trump yesterday named Michelle Obama as the woman responsible for yesterday’s delays on the District and Circle Line between Whitechapel and Upton Park on the London Underground rail network.

Trump tweeted: “She comes across as a real sweetie, but let me tell you, that woman is nothing but a failing, tube train-delaying, loser”

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WORLD NEWS

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You’ve been a wonderful audience. Try the veal. -Ed

Notre Dame blaze: ‘They should have built the whole thing out of asbestos’ says Trump

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Following the devastating fire that has destroyed part of the iconic Notre Dame cathedral, US President, Donald Trump, has slammed the builders of the 800-year-old gothic masterpiece for not constructing it using fireproof asbestos.

In a tweet last night, Trump stated: ‘It’s truly horrible watching the place burn. Why those mediaeval construction guys didn’t use asbestos I just don’t understand. Sure it’s dangerous if you breathe it in but there’s a lot of money tied up in the place. Anyway, people could just hold their breath or wear a mask when they go inside’

When told of the tweet, a spokesman for the Parisian fire department seemed to dismiss the president’s suggestion.

“What?” he said to newsmen at a press briefing last night.

BREAKING

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UPDATE: The President has now been discharged from hospital following treatment for abrasions and exhaustion. A hospital spokesperson said last night: “What a weapons-grade throbber. Can you believe we elected this bozo because I sure as hell can’t” –¬†Associated Press

The Arts & Entertainment

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NEXT WEEK: Breakout. 

Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme and Michael Cohen

BREAKING

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In other related news, the President has called for a meeting with Bob Airplane-Boeing to discuss the recent catastrophic systems failures on the new 737 airliner.

CHILDREN’S CORNER

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¬©Children’s Corner is sponsored by the Nancy Pelosi Demented Republican-Baiter’s League

WORLD NEWS

Trump/Kim talks falter. Trump alludes to “some differences but a meeting of minds” – Associated Press

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