A 47-year-old man from Whitechapel in East London has told this newspaper that he made lewd remarks and carried out a number of unwanted sexual advances towards himself while working from home under lockdown
Toby Dell, a graphics designer from Leman Street told us: “The first time it happened was when I tried to commit an inappropriate act with myself just two days after I’d started working from home
“I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the screen of my PC and realised for the first time how attractive I was.
“The next thing I knew, I felt my own hand on my knee. I tried slapping it away but I was very persistent and it began moving higher.
“I told myself to stop and that I wasn’t interested, but I refused to listen and began rubbing my private parts over my clothes.
“Before I could call out for help, I had tugged my penis from my trousers and had begun to masturbate furiously, eventually blowing my custard all over the screen and keyboard
“I then just cleaned up and carried on as if nothing untoward had happened
“I felt used and dirty and I just know that this will haunt me for the rest my life”
In other related news, a 32-year-old man from neighbouring Aldgate is taking himself to an industrial tribunal after being forced to make love to himself while he watched during a 7-day self-isolation period.