There was growing alarm amongst senior officials at the Department of Health last night after the killer virus, Covid-19, was found to have become infected by Junior Health Minister, Nadine Dorries.
A spokesperson for the department told newsmen: “A member of our research team, a leading microbiologist, was examining a Covid-19 sample under the microscope when he noticed it behaving oddly.
“Initially it began speaking in a poorly-disguised Liverpool accent.
It then began venturing crackpot opinions on subjects of which it had absolutely no knowledge.
“It tried to convince our man that Brexit was going to be beneficial to the entire country and that all this talk of dire economic consequences was just Project Fear being spread by unpatriotic lefty snowflakes, talking the country down.
“It then asked for a bit of time off from the lab to appear on I’m A Celeb.
The public has been warned to be on the alert for symptoms of this new mutation which manifests itself through, a constant dry cough, breathing difficulties, and the overwhelming compulsion to start acting like a weapons-grade dullard in public.
People showing signs of any of these symptoms are being asked to self-isolate without delay and then to contact, PM, Boris Johnson who will immediately offer them a highly paid job in The Cabinet.