The run-down inner city districts of Whitechapel in East London and Drumchapel in Glasgow are set to clash on wasteground in a battle to decide which of the two deprived areas is the hardest ‘chapel’.
The fight, which the Eastenders are calling, The Big Up And A Downer, and the Scots, simply, The Rammie, will be conducted on neutral turf in Sheffield and is expected to draw thousands of supporters of both slum districts on the day.
The leaders, or ‘Top Boys’, of both armies have spoken to us of their hopes of victory on the day.
Stephen “Razor King” Hamilton, an unemployed travel agent, who heads, ‘The Drum’ firm, seemed confident of overcoming his Cockney rivals when they clash on the 26th of May.
“Ah nae fine well that mah boays wull gi’ yon London poofs a f****n’ guid heidin’ oan the day.
“Aye, we wull be goin’ back tae Glasgae victorious or Lorraine Kelly’s mah sainted mither!”
Meanwhile, the self-styled “Guvnor” of the East London gang, Toby “The Whitechapel Iron” Dell, was equally defiant and confident last night.
“Let me tell you something for nothing my son. My boys will straighten these Scotch mugs so f******g lively we’ll be back on our manor in time for a lunchtime pint of London Pride and a plate of stewed eels and mash before you can say “Cockney toerags”, know what I mean bruv?”
One surefire set of winners as a result of the clash will be local caterers from both districts, with mobile jellied eel vendors and Buckfast Tonic Wine vans anticipating bumper profits on the day.
May 19, 2017 at 6:58 am
The Twitter share isn’t working, Lionel. Annoying, I rather like this one.
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May 19, 2017 at 7:37 am
Not to worry old horse. It’s God’s way of bestowing his grace and mercy on social media is all 😉
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May 19, 2017 at 10:27 am
This is one not to miss.
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May 19, 2017 at 10:49 am
The editor of one of the magazines we write for was born and raised in Drumchapel, or, ‘The Drum’, as it is known in local parlance.
I anticipate a curt email from him at some point today as to the odds on my Whitechapel boys emerging victorious from this particular “wee rammy” 😀
He has actually run the piece I notice, however.
Bless him 🙂
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May 19, 2017 at 10:53 am
Can’t wait to hear the outcome. Pity I can’t see the battle in person.
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May 19, 2017 at 3:47 pm
I wonder why anyone would bother to wear armor in a brawl. As we all can see from the movies, it never works. You can stab through it, punch through it, knock you opponent out by hitting them on their helmeted head. Even that silly white plastic armor that the Star Wars troops wore couldn’t withstand a laser pointer.
I am thinking the only reason soldiers are required to wear it is government contracts.
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May 19, 2017 at 7:08 pm
Never mind all that! I can’t believe you left the “u” out of ‘armour’!
And there was me thinking that you Canadians were a civilised bunch.
No wonder the South Park guys have got it in for you!
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May 19, 2017 at 7:10 pm
Hey! Who you call’n a Canuck, eh? We are close but not THAT close. 🙂
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May 20, 2017 at 5:57 am
Stop trying to get out of it! I saw you laughing the other day and the top and bottom parts of your head were definitely seperate! 😉
“Canucks” eh? Never heard that term. They sound like a type of Scottish teacake 🙂
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May 19, 2017 at 4:18 pm
Mmmmmmmmm…jellied eel
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May 19, 2017 at 7:09 pm
Fodder of the gods Dan. 😀
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