Letterz To The Editor

jo whelk meme

Dear Whitechapel Whelk

While watching the Euro 16 football tournament, I was surprised to hear a member of the Swiss team complaining in a post-match interview that the team manager had pulled him off at half-time. Surely during major tournaments, when players and support staff are forced to spend long periods away from their wives and girlfriends, any form of sexual relief should be accepted with gratitude by these overpaid prima donnas. When I was a lad, all we used to get at half-time was a slice of orange.

Marvin Chubbychick

234 Whitechapel Road

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Dear Whitechapel Whelk

People from the north of England. Go to bed at night wearing a shower cap filled with frozen peas, then, when you wake up the next morning, hey presto, a delicious snack of traditional mushy peas.

Gus Whippet

Shit Street Colliery

Grimethorpe

The Whitechapel Whelk

We are a small, but perfectly formed band of satirists and smudge artists. We neither drink nor smoke. Nor indeed, do we use profanity or indulge in the sinful pleasures of the flesh. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get down the pub before closing time for a few pints and half an ounce of Golden Virginia. Hopefully, I'll have enough cash left to visit the local rub 'n' tug shop later for a massage and a rattling good bunk up with a painted floozie. All The Best. Danny SoZ. Editor-in-chief

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