British pop icon, Sir Cliff Richard, has made the claim that BBC presenters covering the Olympic Games probably use off-camera periods to pleasure themselves, either in the studio or behind some bushes in the case of outside broadcasts.
Sir Cliff, 147, told The Whelk: “I’m almost certain that many of these so-called presenters are using the time during live coverage, to masturbate to completion.
“Only last night I noticed that the swimming co-commentator, Mark Foster, was looking shifty and red-faced following the women’s 400 metres freestyle semi-final. People will point to the heat in the pool area, but it was absolutely obvious to me that he’d been masturbating furiously. He probably needed to clear his tubes after sitting opposite that blond anchor girl with the short skirt.
“I dread to think what will be going on during the marathon. With all that time on their hands, Brendan Foster and Steve Cram will definitely be going at it full pelt.There’ll be scalding spadge everywhere I shouldn’t wonder. If these people spent more time in prayer and less time blowing their custard all over the shop the world would be a far better place in my view.”
Sir Cliff, whose own sexual preferences are a source of some conjecture, will be a guest presenter during the men’s diving event later tonight and has told us he will be wearing boxing gloves when Olympic pin-up boy, Tom Daley, enters the pool area wearing his low cut “budgie smugglers”
August 8, 2016 at 4:54 pm
I thought that masturbation was live coverage. I must be looking at the wrong magazines.
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August 8, 2016 at 5:48 pm
You and me both Chris. Of course, back in the day I used to buy Playboy. But only for the articles on motorbikes mind!!!
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August 10, 2016 at 5:46 pm
I must say Sir Cliff Richard looks much older than his 147 years. I’m also beginning to think that Buckingham Palace is passing out knighthoods like confetti! Isn’t Sir Ciff Richard the only living person who can claim to have had his way with Anne Boleyn while recording a hit single?
I blame him for recording, whatt I consider to be, the most annoying song in human history…”Devil Woman”… which I’m beginning to think he recorded for Anne Boleyn.
Your article has brought his entire career into sharp Focus!
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