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A London child pictured yesterday with an unused snow measuring stick and crudely-fashioned slush cat

A 9-year-old East London boy cursed bitterly yesterday as the promised heavy snowfall in the London area failed to materialise, forcing him to make a half-arsed snowball by despondently scooping up a handful of melting slush and mud from the grass verge outside his Whitechapel home.

The youngster was later heard to mutter, “northern cunts’ as he watched the news on TV and saw his counterparts in Yorkshire joyously sledging down steep hills in nearby streets and parks.