Mama June Boo Boo was born in Barnsley in Yorkshire at a very young age.
She weighed just six ounces at birth, but quickly piled on the pounds, tipping the scales at an astonishing thirty-seven stone four pounds just hours later after eating sixteen Krispy Kreme donuts washed down with twelve pints of heavy in the hospital canteen.
She recounts that her early years in Yorkshire were the happiest days of her life and that she often earned in excess of fifteen pounds a week as a coalminer and part-time county executioner.
In 1980, Mama met and married a slave boss from Montgomery Alabama who was on holiday in nearby Skegness.
She subsequently moved to the USA where she gave birth to eighteen illiterate children in six months, including her world famous daughter, Honey Boo Boo, who became a deep-sea trawler skipper and governor of the state pen at the age of three.
In 2004, Mama had ballooned to a colossal ninety-five stone but shed the pounds rapidly after being almost fatally harpooned while on holiday in Tampa
She now tips the scales at a healthy eighty-five stone and thirteen pounds and was recently voted Poorly-Educated Slimmer Of The Month by the Manchester Guardian.
She is currently much sought after as a model and after dinner speaker with a fanbase right across the world, including defeated US President Donald Trump, who once tweeted that she was, ‘a fine-looking woman who has been a bigly influence on my life. So fine, so fine. Tremendous’
She has now retired from public life and lives quietly on an urban farm in Mudchute in East London, where she can often be seen giving children rides on her back in the school holidays and engaging in late-night heavy petting sessions with local shopkeepers of both sexes.
From our showbiz and inbreeding correspondent
November 18, 2020 at 7:05 am
I’m taking the kids to Mudchute Farm in the new year. It’s on the Docklands Light Railway route. I’m hoping to see Mama June and pet her.
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November 18, 2020 at 7:06 am
We all are, mate.
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November 18, 2020 at 7:05 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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November 18, 2020 at 10:02 am
Without people like her, people like you would have nothing to do…
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November 19, 2020 at 6:50 am
Yes, but we’d be able to concentrate on our string of rub ‘n’ tug bars in Thrawl Street
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November 18, 2020 at 4:57 pm
I absolutely count on these reports to keep up my spirits. I definitely have an inquiring mind.
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November 19, 2020 at 6:52 am
We do too. Mainly about how come, in a country with so many guns, nobody’s blown Trumps head off yet.
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November 19, 2020 at 12:48 pm
Nasty thought even for you.
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November 19, 2020 at 1:29 pm
‘Nasty’? I prefer ‘delicious’ 😀
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November 19, 2020 at 1:36 pm
Works too.
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November 19, 2020 at 1:48 pm
Are you a Trump supporter, John?. We are here at The Whelk. We think that he will get a second term and will renew his efforts to make America great again. The election was clearly rigged and we can only hope that justice will prevail and that President Trump will once again take up his rightful place in the Oval Office
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November 19, 2020 at 5:27 pm
Sorry no, but not a Biden supporter either. I’m still in mourning since The Arnold decided not to run. Good luck with your Proud Boy stance.
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November 19, 2020 at 6:13 pm
I’m proud to be a Proud Boy, John. We all are. We won’t rest until President Trump is declared the rightful winner and the Confederate flag can once again be flown with pride atop our homes.
Arnie is a proud Republican but too much of a socialist for our taste. He needs to learn that white is right!
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November 19, 2020 at 8:12 pm
Hahaha.
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November 19, 2020 at 2:39 pm
I was thinking the same thing.
If I’d have had to work for that fat orange **** it would have been like a game of Cluedo in the Whitehouse! 😀
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November 19, 2020 at 4:38 pm
Reported and blocked for un-American rhetoric. President Trump is a great man and when the historians recall his tenure in office they will do so with tears in their eyes.
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November 19, 2020 at 7:24 pm
The contributors to this thread are a mite too uppity in my view. As a Grand Wizard of the Whitechapel & Aldgate KKK I demand that you tone down the uppityness or me and the boys will hang you all from the nearest willow tree.
That is all at this time.
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