The wife of hunky actor, Tom Hardy, has told a magazine that she routinely thinks about overweight middle-aged men in grimy underwear during lovemaking bouts with her sex symbol husband.
Mrs Charlotte Hardy, 35, told OK magazine: “The only reason I stay with Tom is for the money. If he was skint, I’d leave him like a shot”
“I know millions of women envy me and think that he’s a real babe, but to me, he looks like shit on a stick.
“To be honest, when Tom gets fruity in bed and hops on board, I switch the bedside lamp off so that I don’t have to look at his sweaty dial and then imagine I’m being ravished by a 56-year-old furniture porter from Shoreditch, wearing a greasy string vest and really baggy Y-Front Jockey underpants.
“To spice up our love life a bit, I even ordered a string vest and pants set from my catalogue and asked Tom to wear them during a scuttling, but he’s not having it”
Mrs Hardy’s confession comes just a month after the wife of Hollywood dreamboat, George Clooney, told Hello magazine that she puts a bag over his head before sex and imagines that she’s getting the good news from one of the vagrants who live under the Hammersmith flyover.
December 3, 2018 at 8:13 am
Don’t we all, bruv? Oh, ‘ang on…
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December 3, 2018 at 8:14 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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December 3, 2018 at 8:34 am
‘ere. You know, Touch, out of, A Touch of Cinnamon?
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December 3, 2018 at 8:35 am
Yeah
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December 3, 2018 at 8:36 am
Do you reckon I’m in with a chance there, bruv?
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December 3, 2018 at 8:36 am
No mate.
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December 3, 2018 at 8:36 am
Righto.
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December 3, 2018 at 6:26 pm
If you look anything like Danny Sparko or Jason Momoa or indeed, Tom Hardy, you might be in with a chance. 😛
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December 3, 2018 at 6:31 pm
It’s funny you say that, Touch. Many have remarked that I resemble a conglomeration of all three but with bigger muscles and more stamina in the sack. Danny Soz, on the other hand, has been compared to Jacob Rees-Mogg and that skinny twat out of the Mr Muscle ads
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December 3, 2018 at 6:32 pm
No I haven’t!
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December 3, 2018 at 6:39 pm
Well, that’s that sorted. I’m on my way. 😀
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December 4, 2018 at 5:58 am
Great, I’ll start taking my clothes off then. *rustle, fumble, twiddle*
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December 3, 2018 at 3:09 pm
If she doesn’t want Tom, I’ll take him!
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December 3, 2018 at 4:13 pm
Ok, I’ll see what I can do. But first, you have to tell ‘Touch’ out of, A Touch of Cinnamon, that I really fancy her and that I want to go out with her, ok? Also, tell her that Danny Soz out of Soz Satire is hideously deformed and impotent, ok?
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December 3, 2018 at 5:07 pm
No I’m not! I’ve got 18 kids!
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December 3, 2018 at 5:08 pm
It doesn’t count when they’re adopted
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December 3, 2018 at 5:09 pm
Righto
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December 3, 2018 at 10:22 pm
OK! Will do!
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December 4, 2018 at 5:56 am
Cheers Madge! Once Touch sees that I’m only slightly hideously disfigured and only a little bit impotent, I’m pretty certain she won’t be able to keep her girly mitts off of me. AROOOOOOGA!
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