The Apple Corporation yesterday unveiled their latest piece of innovative technology in the shape of the Apple iWatch 5, which will not only tell you the time of day with a fair degree of accuracy but will also alert you to the fact that somebody in the same room as yourself has a wooden leg.
Speaking at last night’s Apple Special Event from The Steve Jobs Centre, Apple CEO, Tim Cook, told a thousand-strong audience: “This device will change the way you look at people in the same room forever.
“Now, instead of wondering whether any of them has a wooden leg, this device will emit a series of beeps whenever anybody who is fitted with one comes within 3 metres of the wearer”
Apple hopes that the device will be a boon to wearers who smoke and can’t find anywhere to stub out their cigarettes or knock out their pipe.
The Whitechapel Whelk 
September 13, 2018 at 5:59 am
Perfect. One if those ideas you hear and think – why hasn’t that been invented already?
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September 13, 2018 at 6:49 am
Precisely, Tim. And think how handy it will come in if the wearer has a cat with him and there’s no scratching post in the vicinity *taps side of nose sagely*
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September 13, 2018 at 8:11 am
I stopped watching a Bonanza box set to read this tripe!
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September 13, 2018 at 8:13 am
Was it the episode where Little Joe gets his leg over Hoss’s bird?
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September 13, 2018 at 8:13 am
Yeah
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September 13, 2018 at 8:14 am
I’ve seen that one. Hoss finds out and kicks his head in.
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September 13, 2018 at 8:15 am
😦
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September 13, 2018 at 8:12 am
Reblogged this on SOZ SATIRE.
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September 13, 2018 at 8:39 am
Arrh, Jim lad, I’m thinkin’ this will be a right boon in the fine art of pirate detection. Thankee Apple, a doubloon is in the post.
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September 13, 2018 at 8:20 pm
I think my old woman used to be a pirate. Everytime she goes out, people yell, “AVAST BEHIND!”
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September 13, 2018 at 12:01 pm
I’ll have to get me one of them!
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September 13, 2018 at 1:00 pm
Don’t be too hasty, Hugh. A little bird has told me that they’re bringing out an upgrade next month which will vibrate when you come into close proximity with somebody who has a false lip.
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September 13, 2018 at 2:46 pm
Finally, some much-needed technology. Mermaids need to know when pirates are about!
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September 13, 2018 at 8:21 pm
I have one right here in the office. Only 200 pieces of eight to you, Madge.
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September 13, 2018 at 3:25 pm
Who wants to be alerted to the presence of a wooden leg? I personally find that offensive. What I want to know is if there is a block-head in the room. Though I also find being alerted to them as offensive, I still want to know.
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September 13, 2018 at 8:23 pm
You find everything offensive. The Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Shrek, Bambi, Sarah Huckabee! What’s the matter wid choo, buddy? 😦
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September 13, 2018 at 8:29 pm
I am hoping to monetize my talent for finding offense and go full time with it.
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